They understand everything! People with organic brain damage cannot be called "idiots"

Lida Moniava, director of the House with a Lighthouse children's charity fund, published an extremely interesting post about how she communicates with her pupils, who, according to a very widespread opinion, “do not understand anything anyway”:

“Until the recent times, in our hospice, events were shared“ for the intellectually safe ”and“ for children with organic brain damage ”(shame and shame, do not repeat our mistakes!). At the same time, we discussed for a long time how it would be more correct to denote this division in the texts of the mailing list for parents and came up with such a definition - this is a meeting for patients who have a way of communication, and this is a meeting for patients with brain damage who do not have a way of communication.

The very formulation of this division took us one step closer to understanding the meaning. How do we generally assess whether the other person understands something or not? Communication-based. What the other person tells us. Everything is clear, if the other person can speak - if he speaks, then he understands. There are more complicated cases, for example, people with cerebral palsy, for example Vanya Bakaidov. The person hums, shakes all over, drooling from the mouth, you look and think that he does not understand anything. And if you give a computer, it turns out that a person can communicate in writing, program, quote Salinger, and in general he is a very smart and well-read person.

Vanya is lucky that he can type. And there are people who cannot speak and cannot print. Well, for example, plus to everything, they still have problems with vision or coordination. And as a result, they can neither speak nor print. About such people it is considered that they "do not understand anything."

Take Kolya, for example. He can't say anything. Can't print. Almost all the people around, even my friends, believe that Kolya does not understand either. This conclusion is made due to the lack of mutual understanding. A person does not speak, does not write, how else to understand him? If a person does not understand, for some reason people around quickly begin to think that it was not you who did not understand, and the other person does not feel, does not understand, does not understand. Communication is a two-way process, but if communication is not in words or texts, then people quickly give up and believe that there is no communication at all, and not because of our deafness (we did not understand), but because of stupidity on the other side (vegetable!).

Formally, I am Kolya's guardian, in reality I consider myself responsible for three more children whom we took from the boarding school for an accompanied accommodation. In total there are 4 boys - Kolya, Nikita, Vasya, Andrey. One is more crooked than the other. No one speaks, no one writes, all of them are regularly called “vegetables” by my Facebook readers and write that “they still don’t understand anything.

Using the example of 4 non-speaking children, I would like to tell you that communication is not only words and letters. There are tons of other ways to communicate. If you know these ways, you begin to understand them and stop considering them "vegetables."

Kolya - Kolya has a Nordic character. He does not express joy, almost never smiles, does not laugh. His expression is either focused or displeased. If Kolya is interested, he begins to move his eyes back and forth and lick his lips. If Kolya is unhappy (and this is very often), he frowns. There are rare things that Kolya 100% loves - swimming in warm water, sitting on his knees, watching trees in silence in nature. Then Kolya calms down and looks relaxed, rarely breathes, it is clear that he is enjoying the process. When I kiss Kolya and generally pester him with tenderness, he makes a terribly displeased face. When it is noisy around and he is tired of all this, he will also have a terribly displeased face. When you move it, put it on, brush your teeth in the morning, bathe, change the diaper - Kolya is terribly unhappy. Kolya is socially phobic. I, by the way, too, but I can say it in words.

Nikita - his character is very labile, emotional. We understand this by the pulse and respiration rate. In an unfamiliar environment, Nikita begins to get very nervous, breathe often and hard, his pulse is very high, he shrinks all over if he is afraid of something. If Nikita walks with a person he knows, he will have a normal pulse, even breathing, and a relaxed posture. Any surprise, a new person who touches him - Nikita shrinks all over, breathes often, his pulse goes off scale.

Vasya - loves attention, movement around, transport, concerts, sounds, when he is touched, praised. If you start kissing Kolya, he will make a displeased face. If you start kissing Vasya, he will start laughing and smiling. If Kolya is with himself and they do not pay attention to him, Kolya will be calm. If you do not pay attention to Vasya, he makes an unhappy face and may start crying. Vasya is a very social person, he needs society, communication, attention to be happy.

Andrey is an individualist, he needs constant personal attention. If the nanny comes up to Vasya in front of him, Andrei begins to moan and cry until they come up to him. At first, Andrei moaned and cried many times during the night to be approached. When he realized that someone would really suit his every sound, Andrei calmed down. He breaks into a smile and laughs when you pay attention to him - communicate, stroke. And loudly suffers if attention is not enough. If the fun-loving Vasya just needs company and movement around him, Andrei needs relationships and personal attention.

I know that they are all personalities and individuals, each with their own character, their own preferences, their joys and their experiences. I learned to understand them by pulse, breathing, facial expression, sounds, mood. And when someone writes that “they still don’t understand anything,” I am offended.

But I understand that people are used to understanding each other through oral speech or, in extreme cases, written. And everyone who does not speak speech seems a little foolish. But they are not fools at all. But alas, I cannot know in detail what Kolya thinks about the school or any other specific things. But I can always understand whether he likes it or not. By body language, breathing, pulse, facial expression. This method of communication is the same communication as words or letters. And you can always separate character from a specific situation. Teenagers rarely wake up to school in the morning with a smile, but a disgruntled face can be different - when you are just skeptical and when you are in pain, these are different discontent.

No one is a fool if we do not understand him! We must look for a way to communicate with everyone! Communication is a two-way process. Communication can be very different!"