Marriage as an escape: why Ukraine is so eager to join the European Union

Marina Shapovalova, writer

Since I myself have a “Ukrainian mentality” in terms of my attitude towards the state, I cannot understand the desire to join the European Union. Something is not right here.

There can be no real security without economic independence. Primary is the economy, and the option with the EU just does not offer economic independence. Doesn't even suggest it at all.

But there is something familiar about it. Somewhere, once, I already explained to myself not very logical, in my opinion, decisions and actions “taking into account the circumstances”. I suddenly remembered: early marriages of the late Soviet 70s!

This is when there was actually sex, only there was almost nowhere to do it without a marriage certificate. The reader, tempted by Soviet experience, will save me from explaining the "almost" clause. And it will also allow us to notice in a gender-non-politically correct way that young brides, who had barely crossed the line of marriageable age in accordance with the Code of Marriage and Family of the Ukrainian SSR, were not so bothered by the basic instinct as their beardless grooms were on the verge of being called up for active military service in the ranks of the Armed Forces. Although consent is the result of non-resistance of the parties, but in most cases the initiators of sexual relations were not girls. But they officially wanted to get married.

And what's so surprising about that, you will say, wincing as your memory sinks into this miserable archaism. The first marriage bed in one of the parental "kopeck piece", a cramped life in a "small family", if you're lucky, children-diapers, nurseries, after working with a shopping bag, bruises under the eyes in the morning, dinner in the evening for her husband in leaky sweatpants, divorces during five years. But this is it! They then divorced to become free. Because at first they got married for the same illusory purpose.

So that the patriarchal-brutal dad with a belt does not meet after eleven. And my mother did not throw tantrums under it. Marriage, as an "adult" social status, freed from parental authority and subordination. Without gaining real independence, impossible in that society and state. Without getting rid of material dependence, because precocious newlyweds could not earn anything themselves. The unbearably oppressive relationship with authoritarian ancestors was simply broken with a stamp in the passport, their rights to manage their daughter's life according to their own ideas were terminated.

Those who did not have such parental pressure were in no hurry to change the face to the profile. Gradually, by experience, reaching what is known today to every teenager: true independence is only economic.

What she needs is not marriage, even if the groom is from a very wealthy family, and dad can give a “Lada” for the wedding with a fee for the “cooperative” (youth will have to google it), but the opportunity to earn money on their own. Better - a lot. Although the Soviet reality, including education, did not contribute to the maturation of such thoughts.

If this excursion into the history of the country of the best ice cream has not tired you yet, then I will add: the girls were different even then. Some had the intelligence and character to get rid of suffocating parental care without a “trial” marriage, and to secure real social status for themselves through their own efforts. The nineties later became the Klondike for them, and not the loss of beggarly social guarantees in a state of premature loss of female attractiveness ...