Confessions of a former Malysheva's employee: "We often did the dirty work"

Confessions of a former Malysheva's employee: "We often did the dirty work"
Confessions of a former Malysheva's employee: "We often did the dirty work"
1 May 2020, 18:16Society
Malysheva loves America, the American management style, American efficiency, and all its plots are taken from American television doctors.

Journalist Rustam Yulbarisov in a detailed and a very fascinating way described his working experience with the famous TV presenter Elena Malysheva:

“Elena Vasilievna never hid that she has a house in the USA, and she lives there, and flies to Russia only to shoot. “Sometimes I’m so bored there that I wash and iron my clothes myself,” she said on the fly. The investigation indicates that the palace was purchased in 2016, I will add that this is not her first or even second real estate in the United States.

So, I graduated from journalism and in April 2011 I was accepted by the editor into one of the subsidiary organizations of EVM. At that time, I had little idea of what television and Malysheva’s programs were, but it seemed to me that it would be very funny. I was wrong. It was more, it was a mess. I’ll break my text into 20 points, because the overall picture is blurred, and the details only become more convex over time.

1) First, we sat in a cramped closet in the Ostankino, whose windows overlook Botanicheskaya Street. They gave me to write texts about losing weight. Then in RuNet a whole bunch of sites appeared about the "Malysheva’s diet", which terribly infuriated her. “Kilograms will leave themselves, if x is excluded...” read the banners with Malysheva’s face. People sent sms, and they wrote off daily money for copy-paste from the Internet from their accounts, and then they wrote to Malysheva and cursed. After a while, she registered the company and earned money on the Malysheva’s diet.

2) A week after employment, I got in touch with creative director Sergey, who made me do his job. He told me the following: "I am the boss, you are a fool." I sent him to ... and he didn’t pester me anymore, and after a couple of months he quit. Malysheva loved him very much, as he "made excellent presentations." Maybe Egor Koshelev will remember something about him.

3) The day came to get acquainted with the computer itself. At first I did not understand why my boss was so worried. And then I realized. Everyone was afraid of Malyshev. The computer was a tough leader who established an atmosphere of fear in the company instead of everyone working according to instructions and guidelines. Because of this, fakapa constantly occurred, and then workers tried to shove responsibility on each other so as not to fall under the press. Imagine a teacher at school that you hate fiercely. She does not swear and does not directly offend, but this makes her humiliation worse. It seems that Malysheva herself was afraid only of Konstantin Ernst.

4) In the control room and in the dressing rooms, the employees persuaded Malyshev. But on the flies began such a celebration of obscenity that I involuntarily turned my head to make sure that the speaker was in perfect health. On Channel One, I knew exactly what Orwell meant by doublethink.

5) On the fly, Malysheva dryuchil employees. It was very interesting to listen if you were not drunk. The highlight of the program is reproaches for poor health. How the hell are you unhealthy if you work at Health? If you are sick, we will cure! Are you so fucking fat? Talk about your problems and promise with all that you lose weight. Once Malysheva picked up all the employees and forced them to take turns telling about the state of the reproductive organs - a campaign was going on in the country about uterine endometriosis. Then the women were forced to take an HPV test. My dear colleague Yevgeny Buzev was asked a favorite question by the gopniks: “Why do you have an earring in your ear, are you by any chance not one of these?”

6) The editors sat on the sedative "Afobazole" - by the way, a drug with unproven effectiveness. The artist, who made to transfer the vagina and penis from foam, constantly went into binges. The EBM had a bonfire, but she didn’t fire it, it was painfully good for human flesh. But most of all we got - the editors of the site, because it’s not too dirty to just sit there, get dishes with holes.

7) Buzev and I somehow unexpectedly for ourselves did not get p .... on the fly. They decided to quickly leave the office and disappear into the endless corridors of Ostankino, but then the voice of a computer called us right out the door. Then, for half an hour, we got such a trash ... How they scold at school: "Yes, you are the worst class!" And then the horseradish on the board - and the pointer to smithereens. I remember exactly that I defended my honor with the “Mortal Sins of a Journalist” by Andrei Loshak, from where I recalled a line about consumerism. The EVM said that “Loshak is a wonderful boy,” and if “with your text you make the reader buy something, it will be a miracle.”

8) Poem's favorite saying was poems attributed to Sergei Yesenin: “I am laughing at the toilet. I have blue urine! ”

9) After a couple of months, our unit was moved to an office nearby. We dragged furniture and equipment together with movers. Our supervisor tried to get the girls from the advertising department to scrub the floors, but they were outraged. He was indignant and demanded "a goat on which you need to drive up to you." In general, we often did dirty work - bring it, but it was a joy. Like in school, when the principal requires the snow in the yard to be removed, and frees from chemistry. So, we somehow sorted the papers in the office, and I saw the prices for advertising in the program. In 2011, a prime air minute on Channel One cost like a three-room apartment inside the Garden Ring. I think that now it’s like inside the Boulevard, so it is not surprising that in 23 years Malysheva bought herself houses in the USA.

10) Our leader Vasily Petrovich is a distant relative of the computer. He served in law enforcement agencies in the Kuban and came to Moscow to engage in digital. Malysheva handed him his Jaguar and company. About her relatives from Kemerovo, the EBM said that "they will remember her."

11) Once I was sitting in the restroom when I heard a thud in the hallway. I hurriedly pulled on my pants to look at what was happening, but I saw only red Vasily Petrovich. He attacked the younger programmer Dima and kicked him when he ran out of the room. They programmed the programmer for a long time and threatened to dismiss him under the article because he worked badly. Vasily Petrovich gathered all the employees in the office and forced them to sign papers stating that Dima had attacked first. The programmer sued, which seems to have lost. And then Vasily Petrovich wanted to deliver the bread to me already.

12) Once in the company someone stole a laptop. Vasily Petrovich conducted an investigation, but did not find the culprit. Instead, they introduced the practice of daily sealing of the room, which was hung on employees.

13) Once, a computer came to our office and forced us to change the despondent black tables to joyful, motivating white ones. Vasily Petrovich sighed, but changed the tables.

14) We were also forced to work for free on weekends. On Saturday, it was necessary to go to the shooting and click the bread in the director's direction there. I barely got out, but Polina Yulbarisova is not. By the way, we later got married, so Malysheva, in a sense, we should. So we repay the debt.

15) Do you know these jokes about coordinating all the changes with the customer? We had the most strict - the computer itself. All projects passed through it, the slightest error - redo it again. Once, the whole company passed her some idiotic test about dangerous chemicals in the house before five in the morning.

16) Malysheva once said that "Mussolini is a great man." I remembered it very well because I was an anti-fascist. The theme of fascism then surfaced more than once.

17) My little star on TV rose suddenly and just as suddenly rolled up. For some reason, Malysheva discerned a talent in me and invited me to shoot a story about diseases of the endocrine system for the program "Health". It was an offer that cannot be rejected. I filled the work at the stage of the installation sheet, because I never did it. I honestly admitted to EBM in this. “You are a journalist, just choose the main thing,” she said, and left. I stayed until 1 am Ostankino in the closet with the director. I was very worried that I could not do such a simple task, and he supported me with stoic jokes. As a result, I gave birth to some crap and went home. More than a mainframe computer did not call me to shoot. Except for one case.

18) In the fall, I felt butthert. I used the skills I got at work and diagnosed myself with an epithelial coccygeal passage, which was confirmed in the hospital. I underwent an operation and was sent to bed home, because you can’t sit on a sick ass. I returned to work a month later, and during the fly I defiantly did not sit down. The EVM asked me why I was so special, and I told her the story of the coccyx cyst. She was delighted and invited to write a script for the program. So I told all of Russia on New Year's about my ass.

19) Malysheva had an internship in the USA. She loves America. Malysheva loves the American management style. Malysheva loves American efficiency. All crazy stories are taken from American television doctors. In the winter, she forced the editors of our unit to quit because we were “insufficiently motivated” and sign piece-rate agreements, according to which we received fees for each piece of content. At the same time, our manager demanded that we continue to go to the office. I said that nichrome doesn’t work like that. We are no longer full-time employees of the organization, we don’t have a salary, we don’t have a social package, we don’t have any pensions, so we won’t go, we will work through Skype. In addition, I pointed out inadequate prices for creating content - a test that is more difficult to do because of the CMS on the basis of Bitrix cost only 100 rubles more than the simple news. Vasily Petrovich said that there would be people who would want to work for that kind of money, but they were not found in the end.

20) We gathered in the office of the boss and began to swear loudly. He said that the "cunning Tatars" do not want to work, but they want a lot of money. He suggested going out and sorting out on the street. I said that this is outrageous, my nationality has nothing to do with it, and this is actually fascism. The chief said that he was defending his homeland in the mountains of the Caucasus from the Nazis. We quit in full force. And the chief editor sat and was silent, because she was waiting for the deadline to go on maternity leave.

It is said that outside the work of a computer a very nice and pleasant woman. Some employees were invited to her in a Moscow apartment for the New Year, where she showed her best qualities. But where are the causes of this overt violence and coercion in the workplace? Is it really in love for Mussolini or the American management system? They should be sought after the columns of the colonial-style palace near New York. The more exploitation is in the form of emergency work and unpaid work on the weekend, the more profit for the owner of the enterprise is brought by ordinary employees and the higher the arches of this beautiful palace. An emotional review is necessary so that workers are afraid, work harder and do not demand money due to them for unpaid work. When someone complained or cried about flying, then Malysheva told how difficult it was for her to work in Ostankino in the 1990s with two children. She always ended this story like this: “Well, what did you want? You are working on Channel One!”

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